Posted:
By: Donald Byers
On: 01/23/2002
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Lois Eveland submitted this story from the memoirs of her late husband, Col. Ivan Wayne Eveland, USAF. Lois lives in Helena, Mont., with a golden retriever named Honey Girl.
During World War II, I was a bomber pilot and squadron commander in the 614th Bombardment Squadron flying out of England. The B-17 bomber was designed for very long missions, and the designers did a great job, but the men who flew them were themselves created with limitations. Among these was the need to relieve oneself at reasonable intervals, especially during combat situations.
The B-17 had a relief tube located at each crew station. It consisted of a funnel attached to a rubber hose, which drained outside the airplane. This worked fine at low altitudes, but at high altitudes where the unpressurized bombers usually flew missions, temperatures were 30 degrees to 50 degrees below zero. Any fluid in the tubes froze eventually, rendering the relief tube inoperable. The result was that many crewmen were hospitalized for frostbite, not only of the hands and feet but also of other vital areas.
To avoid this, some crewmen used their flak helmets as receptacles, but this was definitely a sanitary problem. Our group commander, Col. Hal Bowman, had an epiphany late one night: Why not issue crewmen on each mission a few condoms to carry until needed to heed a nudge from nature? As he said, "Overzealous planners supplied us with enough condoms to last through World War X!"
Bowman phoned Maj. Julius Pickoff, waking him and appointing him group pee officer. He told Pickoff he wanted 2,000 condoms delivered the next morning. Not surprisingly, he had trouble convincing Pickoff he was serious, but Bowman managed to get his message across. Pickoff phoned the supply officer, but the sleepy supply officer didn't believe it, saying, "That dirty old man," and hanging up. Pickoff had to go pull him out of bed to get the condoms to the flight crews in time for the briefing.
Bowman's ingenious solution seemed to have worked. Once a condom was used for relief, it could be set on the floor and within minutes would be frozen solid. While flying over Germany, crewmen threw them overboard as frozen missiles.
Unfortunately, our plane was shot down during a bombing mission over France. While escaping with the help of the French underground, I worried about those blasted condoms. I knew my belongings would be packed up by my adjutant, Dick Mettlen, and be forwarded to my wife as next of kin. I hoped he would go through the pockets of my flight suit and remove any condoms—because I was sure he would realize what a nasty shock seeing those would be to her. After all, she knew nothing about condoms being associated with bomber missions.
I'm happy to report that I made it back to my outfit and made a point of telling my wife what the condom was carried for. Some say it was the specter of having a frozen ball of you-know-what crashing through the roofs of German houses that brought the war to a speedier end. I doubt that. But I do know that the 10 men of my crew were very grateful for a device that had a use no one ever dreamed of—especially my wife.
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